2025 Dynasty Mock Draft
4/30/2025
Round 1
Pick 1 — Shedeur Sanders
Shedeur SandersQB, CLE
Team TedoBoiyo is cursed with the reverse‑Midas touch: everything he drafts turns to compost. Last year’s can’t‑miss selection of Marvin Harrison Jr. somehow devolved into WR‑shaped mulch by Week 6. Determined to break the hex, Tedo leans into chaos theory and selects Colorado’s own Shedeur Sanders— the lightning rod prospect pundits either rank QB2 or QB22 depending on the tweet. The hope? If elite talent flames out under his stewardship, maybe middling talent will blossom. It’s the fantasy‑football equivalent of hitting the elevator button twice and praying the laws of physics bend.
Pick 2 — Tyler Shough
Tyler ShoughQB, NO
The Momoxxvi front office doesn’t just love veterans; it collects them like commemorative quarters. So when Momo kept this pick instead of shipping it for someone eligible for Social Security, eyebrows raised. Enter Tyler Shough: a quarterback who started so long ago he once handed off to LaDainian Tomlinson’s cousin’s roommate. With an injury résumé longer than a CVS receipt, Shough slots perfectly alongside the brittle legends on Momo’s bench. Plus, drafting yet another QB ensures that the only solid position on the roster becomes an impenetrable fortress—while every other slot withers in neglect.
Pick 3 — Bhayshul Tuten
Bhayshul TutenRB, JAX
Bagger lives by one metric: how fun it is to say the player’s name after three beers. Bhayshul Tuten scores a perfect ten. Beyond the phonetics, he’s a compact back with enough burst to generate the occasional highlight—ideal bait for Bagger’s weekly waiver‑wire soliloquies. The coaching staff? Irrelevant. Offensive line? Who cares. Tuten simply feels like a future folklore hero who’ll clock one 60‑yard touchdown in September and proceed to average 2.1 YPC the rest of the season while still occupying a starting slot in Week 14.
Pick 4 — Cam Skattebo
Cam SkatteboRB, NYG
♪ I'm the Scatmannnnn ♪
Bagger is back on the clock, and there’s no universe where he passes on the man whose surname sounds like a drum fill. Skattebo is a bowling ball with jazz‑hands—five‑foot‑nothing, but rumor says he squats small SUVs for warm‑ups. Analysts question whether he’s agile enough for the NFL; Bagger only wonders if Cam can produce a meme a week. Expect Skattebo highlights to feature broken tackles, reckless hurdling, and the inevitable hamstring tweet—perfect content for Dynasty Herald’s gif department.
Pick 5 — Kyle Williams
Kyle WilliamsWR, NE
With his second first‑round pick, TedoBoiyo stares at a board rich with blue‑chip talent and says, “Nah, give me the slot guy from New England.” Williams projects as WR4 in an offense powered by existential dread and three‑yard outs. Yet Tedo envisions a breakout built on 140 vacuous targets because someone has to catch Drake Maye's check‑downs. It’s a strategy wrapped in logic, marinated in delusion, and baked at 425° until your season burns to a crisp.
Pick 6 — Ashton Jeanty
Ashton JeantyRB, LV
MoAsgari approaches roster‑building like a benevolent overlord—he could conquer, but chooses mercy. Jeanty is a volume monster from Boise State whose tape screams “future waiver‑wire legend.” Mo passes on shinier toys to ensure the league’s parity remains intact, drafting a rock‑solid RB2 while leaving legitimate league‑winners on the board. It’s the fantasy equivalent of donating blood: painful now, but the league will thank him later—just maybe not with wins.
Pick 7 — Dillon Gabriel
Dillon GabrielQB, CLE
OminousOni has watched his QB room implode faster than a crypto exchange, so he grabs the prolific Oklahoma passer. Gabriel may be undersized, but he offsets it with a left arm that fires moonballs and a stat sheet fattened by Big 12 defenses allergic to coverage. Should Gabriel outduel Sanders in Browns camp, Oni earns a starter and inflicts psychic damage on TedoBoiyo in one fell swoop. Worst‑case scenario? Oni streams Marcus Mariota in Week 4 and everything is terrible again—business as usual.
Pick 8 — TreVeyon Henderson
TreVeyon HendersonRB, NE
Logic dictates diversifying assets across franchises. TedoBoiyo chooses vibes. Having already staked his future on one Colorado skill player, he now selects the Buckeye RB destined to share that same malfunctioning pro offense. If the team scores points, Tedo wins twice! If it flops, he flames out spectacularly and clears waivers by November. High risk, higher mock‑draft comedy.
Pick 9 — Travis Hunter
Travis HunterWR, JAX
Every league has that one manager who still starts Vontaze Burfict in the FLEX. Ours is RezaZeGerman. Hunter—cornerback by birth, wide receiver by hobby—ticks every imaginary IDP box. Reza pictures double‑digit tackles and touchdowns, all from one roster slot. Sure, those points funnel to separate position groups in our actual scoring settings, but breaking bad news to Reza ranks somewhere between “tax audit” and “root canal” on our priorities list.
Pick 10 — Jaxson Dart
Jaxson DartQB, NYG
The board circles back to OminousOni, and after securing Dillon Gabriel at Pick 7 he stares down the temptation of shiny non‑QBs. Common sense prevails—why risk it? Oni doubles down at the game’s most volatile position, taking Ole Miss gunslinger Jaxson Dart. Two swings at quarterback mean twice the chance one of them actually sticks, and if both hit, Oni can finally stop mail‑ordering veteran retreads off the fantasy scrap heap. If neither pans out? Well, at least he didn’t draft a kicker this time.
Closing Thoughts
This mock draft will age worse than open milk on a summer porch, but that’s half the fun. Come draft night, picks will be traded for half‑eaten granola bars, sleepers will freefall, and someone will auto‑select a retired kicker. Until then, may your takes stay scorching and your rosters remain questionably intact.
See you at the draft, degenerates!